Thursday, February 3, 2011

someday he'll be gone

Bug turns seven today.  He was born on 02-03-04 (pretty cool, huh?) And I was just imagining our home without him....  It would be quiet.  Maybe even too quiet.  We're so used to always, always hearing him.

Bug was at a friend's home one afternoon when someone asked me where Pook was.  I wasn't sure.  Four feet from me, around the corner, reading?  Upstairs playing lego?  Never sure without looking.  Even at the computer he's likely to silence the games.

But Bug.  Oh my.  We always know where he is, what he's doing,  how he's feeling, what he's thinking.

While in the tub? Singing.  While reading?  Often laughing.  Telling anyone who's in the house about his book. (They seem to have no obligation to listen.) While playing?  Talking for sure, maybe humming or trying to whistle.  Usually asking someone to please play with him, since playing alone does not suit our extrovert well.  While eating?  Humming.  On the toilet?  Singing.  In bed, while asleep?  Talking, maybe even shouting- yes, truly.

And so, with him out of the house, it was very very quiet.  I like quiet, more so the older I get.  Before Bug was born, Pook and I usually had music playing during the day.  I was used to being around people, in a noisy classroom, and being at home with a nonverbal baby was too quiet.  I turned on good music, kid music, audio stories, something to give us some background noise.

When Bug came around, as I've mentioned before, he screamed a lot.  Maybe I missed some food sensitivity and he felt sick.  Maybe he was just loud.  In any case, the stereo was used less and less, until it was almost forgotten.  He was exposed to less music- he heard less Raffi as well as less adult music.  It is interesting that he's probably the more musical of the two now. 

The noises he makes are not the awful screams of those first years.  The pitch is lower, even if the volume is louder.  Plus, the fussing is less; hearing him make up the words or hum to songs when the lyrics are forgotten, or have conversations with himself or a stuffed animal, well those moments are fun.  And, I always know where he is and what he's doing.  If it gets too quiet and he is home?  I go look for him.

He says he'll never move away from me, but maybe will live "like next door or pretty close." Hmm.  Yeah.  And so, even if I enjoy the silence when you leave, I'll miss having you around someday, my sweet Bug. It might just be too quiet. Happy Birthday.

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