apron strings

I have never kept my children so close that they couldn't explore, couldn't grow into their own people. I've always held the philosophy that I'll let "the village" raise my children-- assuming they'd let me know if something was wrong. So why am I having such a tough time with back-to-school this year?

Last week when Bug had just a few days left before starting school I wanted to keep him from getting bored and restless. He was invited to go to the Botanical Gardens on Friday which seemed great. We'd had a lot of rain during the week and we hadn't gotten out much. The Botanical Gardens are fun for both kids and adults. I enjoy the mom and I knew Bug would enjoy a day with K. Except I didn't go. She had said that I was welcome to send him alone or to come myself. I was looking forward to some adult conversation, so I had intended to go along. But Bug literally begged me ("please, please, please Mama") not to come. I considered going anyway, but decided it really meant a lot to him. He doesn't play without me a lot, and to him it means he's "BIG". I understand. But it hurt. Again.

So we come to the start of school. Met the teacher today, start on tomorrow. He's feeling some Big-Boys-must-have-Big-Boy-behavior stress. He's excited. All of that is resulting in meltdowns. So I'm feeling eager to have a day without him (and run errands and do laundry- oh, so exciting). But I'm not eager. I'm trying to be prepared but I'm going to be lonely. He'd be happy if I'd use the Carpool line from Day One but I'll walk him in for a few days. Not for him. For me.