third grade

Welcome to the Third Grade! As moms of Third Graders, we must have a united front. We must be prepared for school this year.

Here is your supply list. Please have these items last week or expect consequences.

1. patience
2. poster board
3. distractions
4. a 25th hour to the day
5. wine
6. patience

Here are a few of the first projects you will need to do. Extra credit will be given if there are no tears. From either of you.

1. It is Friday afternoon, an hour after school has let out. Your third grader just announced that he left his paperwork for "the big project" at school. You have no way to get the papers. Solve this problem while making dinner preparations and answering urgent email.
2. Your third grader needs to make a collage of pictures "all about me." You recycled all the old magazines this morning. Your printer is on the blink. Again. Solve this problem in color.
3. It is bedtime on Sunday night. Your third grader opened his door so you would hear him sobbing. He apparently just remembered "the big project." Get him to sleep before you fall asleep. Every minute counts against your grade.

There will be pop quizzes and meltdowns at random moments. There will be more poster board needed at unexpected hours of the day. You must always be prepared for these. Each time you use phrases such as "Are you serious?" and "I told you so" you will be penalized.

Again, welcome to the Third Grade!