Tuesday, September 7, 2010

from another point of view they're clueless

Do you remember this?
"I think he likes me!"  He bumped me when he was going to the pencil sharpener and he didn't even have to go that direction!" <beams for days>
*next week*
"I'm so depressed.  Did you see him talk to her in the hallway?  I think we're over." <cries for days>

Men may have no clue that this conversation takes place dozens of times for most girls.  I'm currently trying to figure out if my nine year old Pook has any clue at all about the minds of girls.  It appears that he does not. 

He and I have been reading aloud book 5 of the Harry Potter series.  This is the first book which has included any romance.  I first realized his cluelessness when Hermione explained to Harry that the reason Ginny never talked to him last year was because she'd liked him.  The other night Harry was given his first kiss, by the long admired Cho.  Again, Hermione came to the translating rescue.  Harry was clueless.  Both times Pook was clueless.

I mentioned to him that it was a good idea for a boy to have some girls as buddies, like Harry has in Hermione, so that they can explain other girls to him.  I pushed the matter a bit and asked him what girls he's friends with at school.  He was speechless, not just avoiding the question.  I tried to make it easier.  "If your birthday party was tomorrow and you could invite five boys and five girls, who would you invite?"  He stalled on narrowing the boys to five. All he could come up with was, "Would I have to invite girls?"

I'm going to assume that the girls at his school are already ogling over boys.  It starts young.  I'm also assuming that he isn't entirely ignored in this.  I'm further assuming that he has no idea.  Which means he will break hearts he never noticed.  And as his mom, it is my responsibility to help him become the type of man that will make someone a good partner someday.  Learning to talk to girls is an important skill.  (I think this skill is important whether my child is gay or straight, by the way.)  Some men understand us, but all boys should be taught to try. 

Obviously, I have the perspective of his mom, but I'd say he's exactly the kind of guy that women will love.  In thirty years.  He's a cute, tall, brainy bookworm.  I love these traits (I married one just like him!) but I didn't value them as a teen.  Meanwhile, having girls as friends will get a guy far.  I told him that his new homework was to look at a girl at school and say 'hi' to her.  That was all.  We'll see if he's even able to find girls among the crowd.  It isn't that he dislikes girls right now, he just isn't really aware that they exist.  They do, and they'll appreciate the gesture.  And, they'll giggle.


  1. This is good stuff! I'm taking notes for the future with my two. Toby is already beaming and speechless with admiration over a ballerina in a kids' show he likes.
    - Natalie

  2. I have a 9 y/o son, too. In a recent conversation with his teacher, she said that at that age some kids will have cross-gender friendships and some fiercely resist even the idea. My son's best friends are boys but he does pal around with a girl, too. It might help that she's a tomboy.