Monday, December 14, 2009

lay down your burdens... in my gut

Bug came home from his first day of kindergarten and had Made a New Friend.  How had he chosen this friend?  Well, they were running and Q was the fastest kid.  Of course.  From that I assumed this friendship would continue based on speed alone.

It became clear that Q is quite the leader.  Apparently Q assigns the children into teams and chooses the games they will play.  Bug has been frustrated that the kids always play Q's choice.  And then he began to mention that Q always picks W to be on his team, but not always him.  As I've been in and around his class at school, I've noticed that it is W who is inseparable from Q and that Bug has become the third wheel.

Twice recently he has said he doesn't want to go to school.  Last night I managed to get him to expand on that a bit.  He never named names, but They don't like him.  They make Everyone Else not want to be his friend.  And, They make him feel stupid. Within minutes of unburdening himself, he fell asleep.  I'm now the one dwelling on this.

I used to assume that Bug would be very popular in school.  He's very verbal and bright which keeps the teachers happy, funny as all get out which entertains the boys, and, well I hardly have to mention the eyes.  They'll come into play more as he reaches his teens, but I've already noticed little girls noticing him. All in all, he's been quite the charmer.  But I never factored in one other trait which I now see is part of the formula.  He's very sensitive and cares very much about What Other People Think.  This may be a deal breaker.  I don't think popular people have to be insensitive, but there must be a certain "I don't care what others think" quality or they'd be as full of self doubt as the rest of us.

If Pook cares about What Other People Think, he doesn't show it or talk about it.  He seems to float.  He'll play with whatever children are there playing.  There is a core group of boys who he likes, but I've never noticed any other alliances within it. He's never been upset about being left out or getting his feelings hurt.  He tells me less anyway, but he also seems to notice others less.  He is oblivious to the giggling groups of girls who already whisper about the boys.

But I no longer think I'll be spared all the friendship dramas in school by having had boys instead of girls. I hope I can help Bug navigate through it a bit.  I told him last night that other people can give him anger, but it is his choice if he wants to keep it around.  He can take their mean words and put them in a trash can and have them gone, if he wants.  I don't know if this will help him.  I'll see if he's willing to talk about it again today.


Post a Comment