giving our kids some street cred

CD and I spent dinner last night teaching our children swear words.  They know nothing!  (Or they were really good fakes.)

I started it by saying, as I scratched a bug bite, that some booger had bitten me (in April--I had a right to be angry!)  They boys both fell apart in squeals of laughter.

"What did you call the bug?!"
"I called it a booger.  A booger bug!"

We all enjoyed laughing, then I pointed out that I'd thought to call it something else but I wasn't sure what swear words they'd heard before.  (And as a mature adult had not wanted to be the one to teach them.)

"So, what cuss words do you know?"

"Uh.  None."
"What's a cuss word?"

We had to push them.  Pressure them even, to get them to tell us any swear words at all.  Bug never did in fact.  Do first graders not swear on the playground at all?  

Pook had heard "um, I think it sounds like crab" and "um, I think it sounds like beach."

"What does that mean?"

CD and I dutifully gave them the dictionary definition of each one Pook came up with (a sure way to make the word meaningless) but also explained how the word was used as a swear.  I even used bitch as a verb, a noun and an adjective for them to demonstrate.  Because I am such a good parent.

And then, remembering that I was supposed to be a good, mature parent, I told them that they couldn't use these words in front of teachers, other adults or me.  And CD told them not to hurt someone's feelings by calling them a bad name.  And I kind of diluted that by saying that if it came to it, I'd rather that they got in a fight that was verbal and not physical.  --But to not use these words.

(Oh, and he also knew "hell" and "damn," so the bug that bit me (in April!) could have been a damn bug after all.)